I don’t wanna discuss kids shooting kids. Or soldiers shooting civilians shooting soldiers. Didn’t anything else happen this week? Rick Santorum is getting more and more ridiculous. Lindsay thinks she’s gonna get an Oscar. The Artist won all of them. Tornadoes. Leapery.
Well I bought an iphone.
I met a guy off craigslist in a parking lot and exchanged him an iphone for a stack of twenties.
What the Friday?
For those who know me well, this may come as a staggering shock. I’ve been holding it down for the flip phoners (and “sliders,” briefly) for a while now. Die-hard Dell supporter, and Windows in general since Windows 95. Heck, I’m currently drafting this document on WordPad. My ipod hasn’t been updated in years. I don’t download things. I don’t speak Tech. I speak t9word.
And I’m the first to harp on the dark foreboding future where we all become cyber zombies, can’t lift our eye brows, books become artifacts, and our children lose interest in Legos and hopscotch. It’s kind of obnoxious how petrified of this I am. That video? With the baby? Flicking her fingers across the magazine as if it’s an ipad? I don’t think that’s cute, I think it’s horrifying.
And now suddenly I’m 23 and I simply can’t go on without a MacBookPro. I need one. Worse yet, it’s a career move. A product. A copywritten brand. Is now essential to my success as a professional in 2012 America? Is this a result, or a parasite of our economic combustion?
In these times of rapid technological growth, I’m trying to join ’em, as I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I can’t beat ’em, while also holding on to this hope that we will inevitably plateau. But then Michio Kaku comes out with Physics of the Future: How Science Will Change Daily Life by 2100. As if it hasn’t already? (I almost want to email him and tell him how badly the space-like graphics of his website are hurting his credibility). You’ve heard it before. Existence becomes wearing eye contacts that allow us to see maps and pictures, and really anything the internet can conjure. All you need to do to preheat the oven to 350 is think it. The invisible becomes visible, the visible invisible. We live to be 300 years old.
But an augmented reality as such will only cloud and befuddle the reality that we now know. Or think we know? It’s too much!
Then I come back to the point that all this nonsense we peruse on the interwebs, all this pandaphonium (copywriting that), all this facebooking and tweeting is just our inherent desire to talk. And exchange. And learn. And opine. We’re enriching and developing our selves, reading new and interesting articles about our world, seeing new weird funny things, networking, and we should be so lucky to have so many ever-expanding opportunities to do so.
And then I watch Dance Moms. Which might be reality TV’s rock bottom. I’ll go along with the tech boom, I get it, you can whisk me away, Apple. But I will not stand behind Dance Moms. Are the two related? I know they are, if only for their relative newness. I’m just wondering if there can be a happy medium. I don’t want to live to be 300 years old. I don’t want to think the oven on, well that actually might be nice, but I definitely don’t want a chip in my brain monitoring…anything. And I don’t want to live in a world where all anyone wants is to be famous.
But I do like my new iphone. I’m also wondering if this is the exact same article John wrote last Tuesday.
Whatever. That was LAST week. This is THIS week. And Thank God It’s Friday.
-Cassiel
The Weekly Snooze 